Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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