is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
