i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize