Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
