I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
