The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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