i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize