Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
