I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
