ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
