dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
