You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
