Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
