Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
