We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
