I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
MIDGETS
????
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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