OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize