Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You ruined the universe
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
