I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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