Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
