I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
