And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Welp...herpes.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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