Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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