I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
