Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
fuck your aforementioned shoe
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
