theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
