So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
