i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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