what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
