I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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