He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
