they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
