How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
