Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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