You're so nebulous sometimes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
