i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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