why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
