Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
