If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
