Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
