You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
