Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
