ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
