Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
