6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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