my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
