1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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