oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
