he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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