Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
