wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
