I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
