I've blown a few things in my day
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
