It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she smelled like a LAN party
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
