I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
