dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
