Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize