My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize