I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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