My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
