Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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