So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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