Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
