Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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