saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
