remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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