I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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