But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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