I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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