Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
