the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am available for nakedness
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
