There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
