cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
