i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
