Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
