i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Alive.
So much puke
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
